Saturday, December 31, 2011

Steps To Make This The Year You Marry

I've noticed something fascinating that happens
this PARTICULAR time of year to "good"
relationships.

Especially in relationships where the couple
has been dating for several months or a year
or longer and they're getting along and have
a great connection.

The holidays roll around and a lot of women
begin to wonder if their guy is finally going
to either pop the question, buy them a ring or
make more of a long-term commitment.

To top it off, maybe your friends or family are
giving you the impression that it's something
THEY think should happen, too.

All this wondering about whether or not
the guy will commit can either lead to a
great and happy surprise, or signal the
start of a lot of resentment, struggle or
even a break-up

Before I explain, let me ask you-

Are you wondering if your man is finally going
to pop the question or buy you a ring and make
that last big commitment to you soon?

And if so, what is it about this particular
time of year that brings this topic up for so many
women?

I don't have any scientific studies or
statistics to quote to you, but I do have my own
theories about why the holidays cast such a strong
spotlight on commitment.

One is that a lot of single women spend the
holidays visiting friends and family and
listening to a lot of unsolicited advice about
their love lives.

You know what I'm talking about, right?

How many times have you had to bite your
tongue and be tactful when "Aunt Mae" or
whomever starts asking you when you're going
to finally "settle down" and get married?

Sometimes even in front of your guy!

It's a tricky question because even though you
may not admit it openly, deep down, you're
probably wondering that very thing, too.

You wonder if he's just content to keep dating
you forever, with no "real" commitment on the
horizon...

Or if you will have a real and solid future
together - one that you can feel good about and
plan for.

You wonder what it's going to take to get
him THINKING and PLANNING about your future
together instead of just thinking about
what's on TV tonight or worrying about whether
or not his team is going to the Super Bowl this
year.

After all, you've been "serious" with him for a
while now. You've been seeing each other
exclusively, you've been saying "I love you"
to each other and you plan vacations and trips
together. You've even met each other's families.

So shouldn't a long-term commitment or proposal
be the NEXT LOGICAL STEP?

If you're "living it", why not just make it
official, right?

Actually, many men do think about it. It's not
unheard-of for a guy to think about a deeper
commitment with his girlfriend around the
holidays or other special occasions like
birthdays.

I've personally known a few couples who got
engaged on Christmas, or Valentine's Day or
whatever.

It does happen.

But does it happen JUST BECAUSE it's a special
time of year, or does it happen based on OTHER
criteria?

On one hand, if a man is ready to commit to a
woman, he may CHOOSE special occasions or times
of the year to bring it up or pop the question.
Those occasions, such as holidays or birthdays,
are opportunities to give gifts that symbolize
what the person means to you.

It's all part of a man's desire to make the
woman he loves happy by making it SPECIAL.

If you're expecting a ring or a deeper
commitment from him this holiday, consider this:

It's one thing to wonder and feel excited about
the POSSIBILITIES of what might happen, without
necessarily being attached to any particular
course of events.

This kind of excited ANTICIPATION can actually
add a lot of positive feelings to your
relationship.

(This is especially true if you've been upfront
and honest with him about how you see your
relationship unfolding in the future... so there
shouldn't be any reason for misunderstandings or
disappointment.)

It's quite ANOTHER THING if you're spending A
LOT of time feeling worried and anxious about
whether or not the holidays are going to pass
by... without a ring or long-term commitment
from your man.

This kind of anxiety can be a dangerous
situation for your relationship because you can
be SETTING YOURSELF UP for a big let-down if
things don't go EXACTLY as you hope...

Not to mention all that anxiety and worry can
cause you to come off as seeming "on edge" and
irritable, which can send the WRONG signal to
the guy.

Holidays are stressful enough as it is... so
adding to the stress by acting "on edge" can
really freak him out and start to question your
relationship... even MORE than any other time
of year.

He might wonder if he's done something wrong
to make you feel that way... but if he feels
like this discussion has come totally out of
"left field" and is not understanding where he
stands in the commitment process he may start
to feel mistrustful or resentful of you.

And if you're wondering if "dropping hints" or
asking his friends or family for clues about
"what he's thinking" about a more permanent
commitment is a good strategy... think again.

That will actually have the OPPOSITE EFFECT
of what you're hoping to achieve.

I hope you're starting to see how easy it is to
create a bunch of negative feelings and
unrealistic expectations around your relationship
when you didn't intend to.

So why don't you step back for a minute and let
me help you get some perspective here?

Even though this time of year can be special for
a lot of reasons and can be a great time to
reconnect with family and friends, it doesn't
mean that something is necessarily going to
CHANGE in your relationship.

This is because a man doesn't commit to a woman
JUST BECAUSE it's a special time of year or
because it's been exactly so-many-months or years
since you met.

Many guys aren't even AWARE of exactly how much
time you've been together... or what that means
to you.

So the fact that it's a holiday and you're in a
comfortable and connected relationship is no
indication IN ITSELF that a man is going to want
to commit to you.

For a man, a commitment on the level of a
proposal or a ring is the culmination of SEVERAL
THINGS that happen at a much, much deeper level.

It's much deeper than feeling pressure from his
friends or family who think he should "get
serious" or "settle down."

It's much deeper than simply feeling like it's
the next logical step in his great relationship
with you.

It's much deeper than simply thinking, "The
holidays are coming up, so wouldn't it be nice
if I surprised her with a ring this year?"

In a man's mind, asking a woman to marry him
or move in with him is an internal decision based
on HOW HE FEELS when he's with you, and how he
pictures his life with you in the future.

Whatever happens once the holidays are over
depends on whether your expectations were
realistic or unrealistic.

How can you tell if your hopes for the
relationship are realistic or just wishful
thinking?

When your expectations are UNREALISTIC, a few
things might happen, and usually in this order:

-- You'll start to listen for "clues" about how
your man is feeling that either prove or disprove
that he wants to take the "next step." For
example, if he asks you what kind of jewelry you
like, you probably put a mental check-mark next to
the "he wants a commitment" category. (Even though
his question may have nothing to do with buying
you "the ring.")

-- You'll instantly dismiss or "forget" any
conversation or comment where he seems to not
be "in sync" with what you want in your future
together. If what he says doesn't fit with what
you want, you choose to ignore it (consciously
or subconsciously).

-- You fantasize about where your relationship
will be a year or two from now, but you haven't
actually had real discussions about it with him.

-- You have already told your closest friends and
family members that you "think" he's going to
propose soon, so the pressure is ON... in your
mind and on HIM...

On the other hand, if you have realistic
expectations based on HONESTY and good
communication, chances are you won't have to
worry that you're putting out bad "vibes" or
misunderstanding each other.

Which means that getting a ring or a proposal
will be a pleasant surprise instead of being
a source of WORRY and TENSION all the time.

Here are a few other clues that tell you that
you are carrying UNREALISTIC expectations of
your relationship:

1. YOU ASSUME HE WANTS WHAT YOU WANT.

When the woman feels such an amazing connection
with a man, she assumes that he wants the same
things she does from the relationship.
The assumptions - such as automatically getting
a commitment because things are "going well"
and you've been dating a year or two - become so
strong and real that they become BELIEFS.

When you start to BELIEVE things NEED to happen
a certain way, you'll have a hard time even
"accepting" if your relationship differs from the
way you picture it in your mind. And then
when/if it doesn't happen, it becomes an even
more monumental "blow" to your relationship.

Women would like to think that a man should be
able to "read their mind" because of the
connection they share. Guess what? No one is a
mind-reader, no matter how in love they are.

2. YOU HAVE HIDDEN OR UNSPOKEN EXPECTATIONS.

Do you expect your relationship to progress in
a certain way or have particular goals that you
have NOT discussed or shared with your man?

You may be hoping that he'll pop the question
soon, but has the idea of a long-term, serious
commitment even been a topic of discussion
between you? If not, you may be setting yourself
up for disappointment if you're not talking to
your man about what you want and need to be happy.

You may have put off talking to him about what
you want simply because you're afraid you'll
scare him off, or because you don't know how to
approach the subject.

This can create a disconnect between what you
and the man expect out of the relationship, which
leads to misunderstandings, fights, resentment
and hurt feelings.

By the way, if you want to know how to START a
conversation about commitment, and exactly what
to say and how to say it, check out Chapter 8
(page 247) in my e-book, "Catch Him & Keep Him."

I'll explain why one particular kind of
approach works BETTER for getting him to start
thinking about committing to you WITHOUT pleading,
arguing, drama or tension.

Now, let's look at the third mistake you may be
making...

3. YOU'RE THINKING COMMITMENT TOO SOON.

Have you already committed yourself to your
relationship - physically, emotionally and
otherwise - without "checking in" to make sure
the man is AS INVESTED as you are?

For example, you and your man have amazing
chemistry and everything is always intense when
you're together - you always have deep and
thoughtful conversations and the way you connect
on a physical level is amazing. You assume things
are "going somewhere" and you aren't seeing anyone
else... or even considering it for that matter.

Are you sure that he's in the same place you
are?

Does he think your relationship is headed
toward serious, monogamous commitment and living
together someday?

How do you know? Have you asked him? Or are
you ASSUMING (re-read point #1) that he
automatically wants what you want?

Sometimes women discover that their man wasn't
thinking of a future together in the same way
they were.

In other words, he was enjoying the time he was
spending with you, but wasn't considering what it
would be like to CREATE A LIFE TOGETHER or be
exclusive.

You can imagine the conflict and hurt feelings
that can develop when one or the other person
finally OPENS UP and admits where their head and
heart are really at... and it doesn't match the
other person's experience.

... especially if you have been assuming these
beliefs to be true for months...or EVEN YEARS.

Many women hold back from sharing their real
feelings and desires because they're unsure of what
a man is thinking, or how best to have "the talk"
with him.

When all these pent-up feelings come out, they
create intense "drama" because of all the
passive-aggressive feelings that develop between
the man and woman.

And if there's one thing men hate... it's a
bunch of DRAMA from a woman about the
relationship.

That's when you have situations like the
holidays coming and going... and no ring... and
you're disappointed and mad.

You might find yourself saying things like,

"I thought this was going somewhere!"

"I'm not going to wait around forever, you know."

And before you know it, there's an awkwardness
that develops, things feel strained, and he starts
DOUBTING your relationship and his ability to make
you happy.

Look, I'm not telling you this to discourage
you from getting in touch with what you really
NEED and WANT for your love life, and being able
to share those thoughts with your man.

But I'd like to help you understand, from
a man's perspective, how to look at your
relationship CLEARLY and with realistic
expectations based on what you BOTH want...
instead of looking at it as something you
"deserve" or that he "owes" you.

You with me here?

OK, good.

Now that you've figured out if your
expectations are realistic or not, let me ask you
another question, if you don't mind.

Have you ever known a woman who didn't have to
spend one single minute worrying or wondering
whether or not her man was going to commit to
her?

It just happened... and she didn't have to do
anything out of the ordinary or have any kind of
"heavy talk" with the man because he was the one
begging HER for the commitment.

She didn't worry about where things were
headed. She didn't have to threaten him that she
would "move on" if he wasn't on board with having
a REAL RELATIONSHIP.

Don't you wonder what special MINDSET OR
QUALITY a woman like this has, because committed
relationships and love come so easily and
naturally for her?

It definitely takes a certain kind of woman to
make a man feel like she's the one and ONLY woman
he wants to be with. Now, or in the future.

Would you like to know how to make your man
feel this way about YOU?

The key factor that makes a man want to commit
to a woman is whether he feels like he is BETTER
OFF being in a committed relationship with her
than being single.

He also needs to believe, without a doubt, that
he is better off with her than ANY OTHER WOMAN.

If you can unlock a man's deep desire for true
love and deep connection, you can avoid hearing
the other kinds of fake EXCUSES give when
they're not ready.

Excuses like he "needs to figure out his career
first", or "get his finances in order", or
"figure out where his life is headed" before
he can settle down with you.

I've put together an entire program
that shows you exactly how to trigger
a desire for LOVE AND COMMITMENT in a
man... and avoid dealing with excuses,
resistance and withdrawal.

A real and lasting commitment doesn't
"just happen" - there are critical steps
that have to happen along the way.

In my "From Casual To Committed" CD/DVD
program, you'll also learn:

> How to get your man to come up
with his OWN reasons for committing to you...
and get him to ask you for a commitment FIRST

> How to initiate "the talk" with
a man in a way that makes him EXCITED
about getting closer and more
emotionally intimate with you

> The only SUREFIRE way to know with 100% accuracy
whether your guy is into you for the long-term,
or if you are wasting your time

... and tons more.

I hope that you'll take the time to
understand how commitment works for a
man, so you can transition effortlessly
from an uncertain "casual" relationship
to a more meaningful and long-lasting one.

That way, you can actually RELAX and
enjoy the holidays without worrying about
"will he or won't he pop the question?"
You'll know exactly where your relationship
is headed, and you'll feel a whole lot
more SECURE about it.

I'll talk to you again soon,

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